I can't believe I made it to Chapter 40

So...shit. I didn't realize it had been this long since I updated this story. I had ridiculous epiphanies on what I'm going to do for BOTH of my stories so I think I let that carry me away and I'm super, duper excited about my Sid story. How would you guys feel about me jumping ahead two years into the future? I feel like I'm in a really good position to try that with the story because both characters are the types of people that move slowly. So I know that they wouldn't be all "hey, I love you" all of the sudden. That was incredibly ineloquent and I'm sorry. But feedback on this idea? I think I'm gonna roll with it.

Eliza's POV:

I made plans with my Mom to meet for lunch that week while Max was away and tell her about the little life growing inside of me. Max had left for another string of games in the playoffs promising that he wouldn't say anything to anyone but I saw the look on his face and he wanted to be able to tell everyone. Now just wasn't a good time and for as much as I shook my finger at him, I"m pretty sure that he wasn't listening.

It was nice to have the father of your child excited about the pregnancy, especially one that's unplanned but that didn't mean that he could run his mouth everywhere. And he did have a big mouth. We had barely gotten used to the idea, how was everyone else we knew going to handle the news?

After I had finished up a few things in the morning, I left the quiet offices to take an extended lunch. With the boys away and my work load already caught up on, I knew that I would be able to leave for a longer time without anyone looking for me. Most of management was so caught up in the playoffs and looking at prospects for the draft in the summer that they barely remembered to turn off coffee pots around the office. I pulled into the Panera parking lot next to my Mom's shiny Mercedes. She waved to me from where she was sitting inside by a window and while it was nice to see her, I silently sent up a prayer hoping that this all went over well. I tried to appear calm and normal while we ordered and began to chat about trivial things like our jobs and family gossip but really I just wanted to get this whole conversation over with. Part of me still felt like I was 10 years old and had something bad to confess to her which was ironic considering this time I couldn't be a child. I had a child inside of me. Weird.

Instead, I attempted for subtle.

"Gosh, isn't that baby over there cute?" She nodded and we both smiled over its little shoes and oddly placed tuft of hair on its head. I wonder if mine will be that cute?
"I love babies" I said sighing and watching the mother mop drool up.
My mom let out a chuckle and joked, "Why the babies all of a sudden? You're not pregnant are you?"

Instantly I knew that I went white and then blushed furiously as if my body was torn between reactions in that moment.

"Oh my god. You are pregnant!" Her voice was a mix of mildly hysterical and absolute shock. Frankly, it terrified me.

"But, you can't be." She insisted still looking at me like I had suddenly sprouted another limb.

"Mom, keep it down, okay?" She nodded while I calmed myself down and tried to think of what to say. A "yes" hardly seemed necessary at this point since she knew now.

"I found out this past weekend because I had been feeling so unlike myself for a few weeks. I wanted to tell you right away but I needed a few days to get used to the idea myself."

"And how do you feel about it? How does Max feel?" She frowned slightly as she said his name and I knew that she was still harboring "he's not good enough for my baby" feelings. Maybe she always would.

"Initially I freaked out but Max was actually the one to calm me down about it. He's more excited than I am I think but I've always wanted a family. I just didn't think it would happen this quickly."

"I can't believe my baby is having a baby" she murmured after sitting quietly for a minute in thought. It was kind of crazy to think of myself with a baby. I smiled at the idea of Max holding a baby and changing diapers.

Suddenly she reached forward to grab a hold of my hand. "Have you and Max talked about what this means?"

I hesitated not quite sure what she meant by this statement. I was almost afraid of what she meant. And slightly defensive. Max and I were already dealing with a lot and I didn't want to hear about more things that I should be worrying about.

"Have you talked about marriage?" She asked me finally. Ah, marriage. The one, big, looming topic that we hadn't talked about at all.
"No" I said honestly waiting for the judgement to pass. Hell, I was starting to judge myself. Did he want to be married to me or not?
"Do you want to be married to him?" It sounded as if she was really asking whether or not I was sure that he was the one or not.

"I feel like we're already married" I stated finally meeting her eyes. "I've hinted about it I guess, just to try to see how he would feel about the idea of marriage and somehow the subject always gets dropped completely." It was something that was starting to bother me if I thought about it too much. "We've moved so fast our entire relationship that I'm worried that he's just freaked out by the idea of marriage. He wasn't exactly a one-woman kind of man before he met me." As I said this, part of me wondered if I was just becoming that woman that makes excuses for the man she loves. I didn't want to be the woman he has to marry just because he knocked me up though either. I wanted him to want to marry me.

Our entire relationship had been the result of his determination that we were making the right moves and that always reassured me that he really did love me and that it was somehow okay to jump into anything and everything with him with my eyes closed.

Some people didn't even have to get married in order to be happy. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have that kind of relationship and they always look happy- why couldn't I just settle for that? The problem was that I had always been spoiled by the ideal notion of what lasting love is. I had the best example of my parents to go by and even though they had had ups and downs like any other relationship, it was evident in everything that they did that no matter what, they still loved each other enough to always go back to each other. I had always promised myself that I would never settle, if I was going to fall in love, it would be the lasting kind of love like what my parents had.

Max was undoubtedly that love to me but what if we were meant to have a different kind of lasting relationship? Did wanting marriage make me old fashioned? Was I settling if I allowed him to avoid the subject of marriage forever?

"You have to decide for yourself if you're settling." My Mom said patting me on the cheek. "I can't tell you what to do sweetie." I nodded knowing she was right but still feeling like I had a 20 ton weight placed on my shoulders. Maybe he just needed time. It wasn't fair to assume that he would just propose immediately after we found out that I was pregnant because he needed time to adjust too. Maybe he was just waiting because he needed to focus on the playoffs right now. Maybe I wasn't actually making excuses, I was just being logical.

"I blame the hormones for making me this crazy" I told my Mom laughing. A month ago I wouldn't have been thinking about marriage- there were always a million other things to focus on.

"You're not crazy. It's natural for most women to want to marry the man they're in love with. It doesn't make you less of an independent person." Maybe that was what was bothering me. It was weird to feel dependent on a person after so many years of not having someone consistently in my life to share the day to day things with and turn to at night.

After we finished having our talk, I made my Mom promise not to tell anyone yet especially the rest of my family until Max and I were ready to tell everyone. She squeezed me one last time and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Whatever happens, you know you have support."

I watched from my car as she drove away before pulling out of the parking lot myself to head back into the city. My phone beeped beside me in my purse signalling that I received a new text message.

Hey, how's the tummy?

I grinned after reading his text. The entire week he had been worried about my morning sickness and was obsessed with my stomach and asking about it now that he was out on the road. For some reason he thought the word 'tummy' was hilarious too and didn't understand why Americans used it.

Fine. I just had lunch with my Mom. Don't worry, it went well. I hit send and put my car in drive. I could picture the relieved look on his face right now. He wouldn't admit it outright but I knew that he was freaked out about what my Mom was going to say about the baby.

He texted again and I wished him good luck for the game tonight. I wasn't much for religion but I had been praying like crazy all day that they would finally win so that the guys could come back here and play a game. Now back at the Mellon I didn't have time to dwell on the subject anymore and opted for getting ahead on work while I was alone. If I was going to be taking maternity leave in a few months, then I needed to work my ass off in the meantime to prove that I was indispensable, even if legally they couldn't fire me.

As twisted as it was that I was using work as a distraction from missing Max, I was also partly using work as a distraction from Max as well. It was hard going day to day feeling alone and oddly helpless with life blooming inside of me. Sooner or later, we were going to have to make decisions about our future. I just wondered if it was realistic to think of marriage as being a part of that future.